Love Lost/Lost Love…when think of love you both smile and cry or you are scream and cry. No matter how the thought of love makes you feel, it is what we all desire to give and receive most in life.
I loved you then and I love you now. Even though you have lied to me even if by omission, used me, abused me (yes, I knew this too) It never changed my love for you. You have chosen others over me (sometimes I’m like really WOW). Though I have been angry and hurt to the point of unforgiveness (and often times asked why what did, I do to deserve this, the love never changed). Yet because of the love, I have for you I chose to forgive (eventually). Yet here we are at a cross and you have yet to be completely honest, you have yet to return even a measure of the love I have for you. Yes you occasionally whisper those 3 words I long to hear, but it is not from a place of sincerity.
Here I am writing you this just to let you know I am waiting, waiting for honesty, sincerity.
When I sat down to write this I was writing from my heart a place of pain a place of confusion. (Don’t judge me, at some point you have been there) But in my writing, I began to wonder if this was in fact what I was doing to God? And if I were to be completely honest, my answer would be without a doubt ‘YES’. Not just once or twice but quite a few times. Yet and still He has loved me through it all. Frankly, I am amazed at how much He loves me unlike any other in my life. God has told me very plainly time and time again “Chavela, I love you and there is nothing you can do about it”. Of all the other people and things that I have put before Him and His call on my life He still loves me. All I can say is Hallelujah, Thank you God.
Once again thank you for going with me on this journey. As I pray for you remember to pray for me.
In Him Alone,
Chavela (Movement) Garrett
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Broken
Broken…out of order…wrecked…chipped…cracked~~ either way you put it, it is not good when you want to be in a different place. A few weeks ago, God told me ‘Once you face your fears you can walk in freedom’. My initial thought was ‘ok’ let’s see I don’t like heights, elevators, on the fence about learning to swim (childhood issue), and I am claustrophobic…ok yes I may be a little broken. However, this was only the tip of it all. It wasn’t until a week or so later that God revealed to me what He meant.
Misuse can and will chip away at our character and worth, our ability of love and trust not just in one another. But most importantly in God, our Father, our Daddy, the One who breathed into us the breath of life, the one who provides for us even when we know we don’t deserve it, the One who has never lied to us or misused us for any purpose.
You see I have a fear of loving others and accepting their love. People have and innate way of hurting those that they say they love. I don’t trust people especially those that say, “I love you”. I begin to ask what do you want; I really have nothing to offer you it was all given to the last one I thought LOVEd me. My choices have been limited by those that say, “I love you”. By that, I mean the half-truth scenario you know where they leave out the most important part that will alter how you may or may not respond to a situation. This whole love/trust issue has caused me to push people away just because I knew at some point they would do what they have always done lie and leave.
A few years ago when someone I love was going through something God showed me that each time we go through something rather than seeking Him out to heal and restore us we ourselves place duct tape or band aids on our wounds expecting that they would do the job. However, in our limited understanding, duct tape does not fix everything and band-aids are not stylish. There is great news in that He is the Potter and we are the clay. One is that He knows how we are to function, what we are supposed to look like.
Our brokenness is but temporary if we allow it to be. We must go through that transformation stage though it is uncomfortable it is necessary to reach our fullest potential. Transformation is the art of becoming completely different from what we use to be your looks have changed as well your functions are different.
Transformation is going on,
Chavela (Movement) Garrett
Misuse can and will chip away at our character and worth, our ability of love and trust not just in one another. But most importantly in God, our Father, our Daddy, the One who breathed into us the breath of life, the one who provides for us even when we know we don’t deserve it, the One who has never lied to us or misused us for any purpose.
You see I have a fear of loving others and accepting their love. People have and innate way of hurting those that they say they love. I don’t trust people especially those that say, “I love you”. I begin to ask what do you want; I really have nothing to offer you it was all given to the last one I thought LOVEd me. My choices have been limited by those that say, “I love you”. By that, I mean the half-truth scenario you know where they leave out the most important part that will alter how you may or may not respond to a situation. This whole love/trust issue has caused me to push people away just because I knew at some point they would do what they have always done lie and leave.
A few years ago when someone I love was going through something God showed me that each time we go through something rather than seeking Him out to heal and restore us we ourselves place duct tape or band aids on our wounds expecting that they would do the job. However, in our limited understanding, duct tape does not fix everything and band-aids are not stylish. There is great news in that He is the Potter and we are the clay. One is that He knows how we are to function, what we are supposed to look like.
Our brokenness is but temporary if we allow it to be. We must go through that transformation stage though it is uncomfortable it is necessary to reach our fullest potential. Transformation is the art of becoming completely different from what we use to be your looks have changed as well your functions are different.
Transformation is going on,
Chavela (Movement) Garrett
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